So it finally happened. My family has reported me to the police. I've been summoned to a interrogation in January. Since it is categorized as severe I could go to jail for 2-6 years. I have also got a final notice gone to the bailiffs and there will be more.
There isn't anything left of my life. I have to make sure my cat will be taken care of; then there isn't much else to do.
Well, at least it's down.
Starting weight Sept 6, 2024: 85.9 kg/189.4 lbs (BMI: 38.2)
Weight: 75.9 kg (-1.1 kg)/167.3 lbs (-2.5 lbs)
BMI: 33.8
Weight loss since Sept 6, 2024: 10 kg/22.1 lbs
Calories:
Sunday - 180
Monday - 0
Tuesday - 2481
Wednesday - 753
Thursday - 947
Friday - 720
Saturday - 1750 (cheat meal day/weigh-in day)
I started eating again. I thought keeping under 1000 calories would be enough, but obviously not, so I will try to go back to heavy restricting next week.
Turns out I did ovulate a few weeks back when my weight loss stalled, because I just got my period, i.e. three drops.
Had a large cheat meal Saturday: a Big Mac, a small fries, and a Daim McFlurry. Shouldn't have had the Flurry, too much lactose for my poor stomach. Lesson learned. I also had a roll of Menthos Fanta and six Japanese Yuzu gummies.
I think it's safe to say that I finally broke that damn plateau around 79 kg.
Starting weight Sept 6, 2024: 85.9 kg/189.4 lbs (BMI: 38.2)
Weight: 77 kg (-1.7 kg)/169.8 lbs (-3.7 lbs)
BMI: 34.2
Weight loss since Sept 6, 2024: 8.9 kg/19.6 lbs
Calories:
Sunday - 534
Monday - 457
Tuesday - 314
Wednesday - 379
Thursday - 224
Friday - 379
Saturday - 302 (cheat meal day/weigh-in day)
I've been so weak from not eating enough, but I don't have anything to eat, really, except for crisp bread. I tried to drink my protein shakes with water but it was worse than pond water.
My sleep has been kinda bad this week too, mainly because we're in the middle of the November Sumo tournament. Due to the time difference between Sweden and Japan the broadcast doesn't start until 1.30am and if I'm awake at that time I will watch it (in bed) until it ends at 10am.
No cheat meal Saturday. I have American pancake mix and Kraft Mac n Cheese, but both felt too rich on an empty stomach.
My weight has fluctuated a lot this week, mainly because my sleep has been abysmal.
Starting weight Sept 6, 2024: 85.9 kg/189.4 lbs (BMI: 38.2)
Weight: 78.7 kg (-0.1 kg)/173.5 lbs (-0.2 lbs)
BMI: 35
Weight loss since Sept 6, 2024: 7.2 kg/15.9 lbs
Calories:
Sunday - 901
Monday - 898
Tuesday - 1130
Wednesday - 1005
Thursday - 783
Friday - 778
Saturday - 862 (cheat meal day/weigh-in day)
There's one and a half week until I get paid and I have zero money. Zero. I have one carton of almond milk left, but thankfully a lot of protein powder, which I can make with water (yuck, though). Some cheese, a box of Finn Crisp bread. No protein bars, no grapes. No wet food for my cat, only kibbles which he hates.
Obviously no cheat meal this week.
I officially started with Rybelsus 14mg Tuesday morning, although I've been taking 14mg since last week (2x7mg). The nausea has been bad.
Starting weight Sept 6, 2024: 85.9 kg/189.4 lbs (BMI: 38.2)
Weight: 78.8 kg (-1 kg)/173.7 lbs (-2.2 lbs)
BMI: 35
Weight loss since Sept 6, 2024: 7.1 kg/15.7 lbs
Calories:
Sunday - 803
Monday - 817
Tuesday - 686
Wednesday - 726
Thursday - 685
Friday - 499
Saturday - 688 (cheat meal day/weigh-in day)
I can't believe it; I'm under 79 kilos! Another milestone crossed out, heading for the next one at 73 kg (my weight at uni). I've lost over 37 kilos (81.6 lbs) since my highest. I wish I had photos from then; I've only got photos from when I was 97.5 kilos/215 lbs.
So yeah, I caved. I bought red grapes, but kept them locked up and only took out 100 grams (75 calories) for my evening meals. Totally worth it, will do again.
The cheat meal this week was Japanese curry with Japanese rice. I ate a few spoons, felt sick, threw away almost a full meal. I hate wasting food.
I've been eating under 800 calories this week and still stayed the same weight. Frustrating, but what can you do. My sneaky period has been playing around (I think it's been three months since I last had one) or maybe I'm just plateauing. I am also not sleeping as well as I should.
Starting weight Sept 6, 2024: 85.9 kg/189.4 lbs (BMI: 38.2)
Weight: 79.8 kg (0 kg)/175.9 lbs (0 lbs)
BMI: 35.5
Weight loss since Sept 6, 2024: 7.9 kg/13.5 lbs
I renewed my Rybelsus prescription in the middle of the night Thursday/Friday asking for 14mg, with one blister pack of eight 7mg pills left. I didn't have high hopes of getting it approved but they didn't object, so the pills will arrive Monday or Tuesday. Friday morning I decided I didn't want to wait and took two 7mg pills. I'm still not paying for my medications (perks of living in a socialist hell hole) but in the end of November my "high-cost protection" for the year ends so from then I have to pay 2500 SEK (250 USD) for my meds until I reach another year without having to pay. It won't take long, since my Rybelsus alone costs over 3000 SEK (around 300 USD) but it's a lot of money in one go and I'm not looking forward to it.
My Saturday cheat meal was supposed to be Kraft's Mac n Cheese, but I wasn't that hungry so I had a protein shake instead; Cinnamon bun flavour, my new favourite.
I'm craving red grapes. But I won't cave, no sir, I won't. Really.
Sixth week done! I've been on 7mg of Rybelsus for two weeks now and my hunger has totally disappeared.
Starting weight Sept 6, 2024: 85.9 kg/189.4 lbs (BMI: 38.2)
Current weight (since last week in parentheses): 79.8 kg (-1.5 kg)/175.9 lbs (-3.3 lbs) (BMI: 35.5)
Total weight loss since Sept 6, 2024: 6.1 kg/13.5 lbs
I AM IN THE SEVENTIES!!! I haven't been in the seventies since uni!
I didn't eat anything Thursday, because I ran out of almond milk and the crisp bread made me want to puke. Had a big mug of turmeric tea with honey, and one large tumbler (450 ml) of water.
My Saturday cheat meal was half a sub from Subway (ended up eating half of it). I always get the same thing: turkey on white bread, extra cheese, lettuce, pickles, extra red onion, and black olives; usually with a little Sweet Onion dressing, curry if I feel adventurous (just over 300 calories depending on dressing). I remember a time when a foot-long didn't fill me up. I would eat one plus a cookie and still have dinner later in the day, which is unbelivable now that I think about it. Now a half makes me more than satiated.
I stopped eating the crisp bread and Laughing Cow cheese and switched to Finn Crisp sourdough rye bread instead.
I bought a safe, a small box one, to keep my protein bars in so I can't binge (when they arrive). I'm going to keep the key in my KitchenSafe with the rest of the bars so I can't unlock it until daytime, when I take out the protein bar I'm having for my evening meal. The things we have to do...
It's been a though week food wise - I have almost nothing to eat. The perks of being poor on disability.
Starting weight Sept 6, 2024: 85.9 kg/189.4 lbs (BMI: 38.2)
Weight: 81.3 kg (-1.4 kg)/179.2 lbs (-3.1 lbs)
BMI: 36.1
Weight loss since Sept 6, 2024: 4.6 kg/10.2 lbs
I still feel a bit queezy during the day after taking my Rybelsus pill and it lasts well into the evening, so I don't want to eat. I only have my protein shake for breakfast because of meds that have to be taken with food, and two crisp bread with meds for my evening meal. I've have grown terribly tired of both quark, Greek and ordinary yoghurt, so I've been skipping dinner altogether (can't afford to buy anything else). The next time I get paid I will redo my menu: Protein shake with collagen powder for breakfast, another protein shake for dinner (without extra collagen) and a protein bar for evening meal. This adds up to 578 calories, 89 grams of protein, and 19 grams of carbs (I do not count net carbs). I really have to cut down on daily carbs and add more protein, so this menu is much better than the ice lollies and crisp bread one I have now. Except I ran out of ice lollies about a week ago. I've been eating under 350 calories for days.
I was supposed to have American pancakes for my cheat meal Saturday, but I was not hungry at all so I skipped it.
I am so happy! I lost over a kilo this week and it didn't feel like I had to make myself not eat. I just wasn't hungry.
I started taking 7 mg of Rybelsus Friday morning, as prescribed by my doctor (well, not exactly; she is out of the office for a few weeks so someone else did it. I was terrified they wouldn't). I have been feeling nauseated since Friday which have kept down intake. I was going to cheat and take an extra 3 mg, but right now it doesn't feel like I need to.
I decided to check my BMR and TDEE on SailRabbit since it was some kilos ago since I last did it. BMR was 1359 and TDEE 1494 (I am very inactive, usually keeping under 2000 steps a day). Minus 500 calories makes it 994 calories a day for a weight loss of half a kilo per week. I eat around 6-700 a day so I am at least under that.
My Saturday cheat meal this week was two cinnamon buns, since Friday was Cinnamon Bun Day. I also bought half a kilo of my favorite red seedless grapes (Dole's Apulia Rosé). It was that or the huge bag of pick n mix candy I *wanted* to buy. I also crave orange juice, but I just can't. 900 ml is almost 400 calories and it's just not worth it. I'd rather have the grapes (300 calories for 500 g).
Un-fucking-believable. I must be the only one who actually GAINS on semaglutide (me and Amberlynn Reid).
Weight: 84 kg (+1.7 kg)/185.2 lbs (+3.8 lbs)
BMI: 37.3
Weight loss since Sept 6, 2024: 1.9 kg/4.2 lbs
I started taking an extra Rybelsus Wednesday (so now I take 6 mg) because I could feel myself getting hungrier, but so far it hasn't helped. I gained almost two kilos in less than one week! I binged, plain and simple, on crisp bread with spicy tuna spreadable cheese, red grapes and granola for two days in a row. I am ashamed of myself and I obviously didn't have a cheat meal this Saturday. No more granola in the house, no more fruit except for Granny Smith apples (can't binge on that). Thank the gods I can barely afford to buy food this month. The money I do have has to cover cat food for the next three weeks. I have enough protein shakes, quark, Laughing Cow cheese and crisp bread to last me until I get paid in October.
I am supposed to contact my doctor next week to update her on how it's going with the Rybelsus and I really have to make sure she understands that I need to go up to 7mg per day. If I take an extra 3mg it will make it 10mg a day, which I feel comfortable with. Not telling her that, though.
Yikes, nowhere close to where I wanted to be this week.
Weight: 82.3 kg (-1.2 kg)/181.4 lbs (-2.7 lbs)
BMI: 36.6
Weight loss since Sept 6, 2024: 3.6 kg/8 lbs
I am very disappointed. I've been eating well below 800 calories per day this week except for one day when I had 1300 (last Sunday, so it's been almost a week). I'm still on the lowest dose of Rybelsus (3 mg) and will be so for another two weeks. I fear for what will come before I can go up to 7 mg.
I've added granola to my dinner of quark. It is a huge difference, despite using so little. It's something to chew on and it adds fiber which I desperately need.
I splurged on a large cheat meal this Saturday: two chicken souvlaki (skewers) and one with grilled vegetables.
First week of Rybelsus done. I haven't weighed this *little* in years (everything is relative). The only negative side effect I've noticed is that I am a bit constipated. On the plus side, I seem to sleep better: I fall asleep sooner and wake up earlier, and I don't feel sluggish during the day.
Weight: 83.5 kg (-2.4 kg)/184.1 lbs (-5.3 lbs)
BMI: 37.1
Weight loss since Sept 6, 2024: 2.4 kg/5.3 lbs
Sure, I could have lost more. I ate over 1000 calories twice (when I was up all night) but stayed under 800 kcal the other days. I didn't exercise in any way. I'm usually under 1500 steps a day since I can't leave my apartment (social phobia yay). My crosstrainer is still functioning as a clothes rack and book case.
My cheat meal last Saturday was pasta. I ate three mouthfulls and then I couldn't stomach anymore and almost threw up. So, a win I guess. Cheat meal this Saturday were three American pancakes with Mrs Butterworth's syrup. Heaven on a plate! Just having warm food was certainly a treat.
I saw my doctor Thursday. After seven months of practically begging, she finally prescribed me Rybelsus/semaglutide (pills, not the shot). I took my first 3mg pill Friday morning and after four weeks we'll see where I'm at and discuss if I should go up to 7mg or stay on 3mg for a bit longer. I have been off my stackers for about two weeks now after the heart palpatations got so bad I seriously thought I was going to die.
My new starting weight:
Weight Sept 6, 2024 (before first pill): 85.9 kg/189.4 lbs
BMI: 38.2
When my doctor said that it was time to upgrade my diabetes meds and that she suggested Rybelsus, I almost screamed out of joy. I played it cool, though, and just agreed with everything she said. I did grin like an idiot when I left her office, almost laughing out loud; people must've thought I was crazy.
Finally some movement, in the right direction too, despite having to take a break with my stackers (the heart palpatations were getting really bad). A bit more than half a kilo.
Weight: 85.1 kg/187.6 lbs
BMI: 37.8
Weight loss since July 16, 2024: -3.6 kg/-7.9 lbs
I'm seeing my doctor in ten days' time for a diabetes/cholesterol check-in. I don't think I have the energy to ask for semaglutide again. I want it, obviously, but fuck, I am so tired having to fight for medications. They still haven't filled my prescription for sleeping pills, despite two emails and two phone calls.
No cheat meal this Saturday; had a big bowl of cherry yoghurt instead. Couldn't be arsed to cook.
I don't understand. I ate around 1000 calories a day this week and still didn't lose more than 100 grams. Why?
Weight: 85.7 kg/188.9 lbs
BMI: 38.1
Weight loss since July 14, 2024: -1.8 kg/4 lbs
I haven't been outside for nine days.
I skipped the cheat meal Saturday, I was to tired to cook.
I lost 100 grams this week (0.22 lbs) so I am basically maintaining. I don't know what else to cut down on. I eat between 900 and 1100 calories a day and I am genuinly afraid that if I eat less, I'm just going to binge. It has happened oh, so many times before.
Weight: 85.8 kg/189.2 lbs
BMI: 38.1
Weight loss since July 14, 2024: -1.8 kg/-6.4 lbs
Another rough week. I binged three nights (15-1600 kcal) when I couldn't sleep. Losing 200 grams (0.44 lbs) was a blessing.
Weight: 85.9 kg/189.4 lbs
BMI: 38.2
Weight loss since July 14, 2024: -1.7 kg/-6.2 lbs
I get out of bed after 12pm, and go back before 6pm (after Antiques Road Trip on TV). I can't remember the last time I showered. My apartment looks like a bomb went off. There's flies everywhere. I haven't been outside for five days. The only thing I properly care for is my cat.
This past week has been horrid. Little sleep, lots of ice lollies, proper food (in contrast to quark for dinner). I didn't even logg all my calories on MFP; I was too scared to see the numbers. I'm just glad I didn't gain this week.
Weight: 86.1 kg/189.8 lbs
BMI: 38.3
Weight loss since July 14, 2024: -1.5 kg/-3.3 lbs
Six and a half weeks after surgery I could finally take off the big-ass plaster on my nose. I only have to cover it up if I go outside to protect the baby skin from the sun, but I no longer need it at home. It's a dark pink crater the size of a thumb print, but I really don't care.
My cheat meal Saturday was four American pancakes (instead of the usual three) but it was well below my calorie limit, so I had another one Sunday: House Foods Japanese curry with Japanese rice (340 kcal).
My family called the cops on me again. Then my brother came over and rang my door bell and knocked on the door for like half an hour. I was sitting on the edge of my bed just crying, wishing him to go away.
I have started with rather heavy restriction again, trying to quickly lose the extra weight I gained when my life collapsed. I allow myself 1100 calories per day (TDEE minus 500 calories) but this week I usually ate less. My average from Sunday 14th to Friday 19th was 916 calories per day (Saturday is cheat meal-day). The only thing I didn't count were my six kinds of supplements per day.
Weight: 86.1 kg/189.8 lbs
BMI: 38.3
Weight loss since July 14, 2024: -1.5 kg/-3.3 lbs
Highest weight this week was 88.7 kilos/195.6 lbs on the 16th, so I lost 2.6 kilos/5.7 lbs in three days. I barely slept the night Friday/Saturday so the scale didn't move Saturday morning.
My meal plan this week has been very ARFID Plus/OCD-ish. Protein shake with added collagen powder made with unsweetened almond milk (instead of water) for breakfast (240 kcal); dinner 150 g of quark (80 kcal) or yoghurt (120 kcal); and evening meal of four thin small crisp bread with two wedges of Laughing Cow cheese and two ice lollies (320 kcal). I allowed myself one extra ice lolly (55 kcal) during the day if I felt the urge to binge, as well as one Pepsi Max (2 kcal). I had some normal-sized crisp bread with vegan caviar twice and THREE extra ice lollies one night when I couldn't sleep.
This week's Saturday cheat meal was supposed to be half a sub from Subway and perhaps even a chocolate chip cookie, but then life happened and I just couldn't make myself take the bus downtown, so I had a ProPud Chocolate Milkshake, some chocolate chip cookies, two crisp bread with vegan caviar and a small bowl of cherries instead.
I finally got the test results from my nose thingy. It was an actinic granuloma, not cancer, nothing that had spread. It is a benign tumor that develops on sun damaged skin, especially in Nordic countries. Wear fucking sun screen, people.
Had a meeting with my GP this morning. No semaglutide. Am pissed as HELL so I am back on stackers (took one month off) although I really don't want to, but I weighed in at 88.7 kg (195.6 lbs) BMI 39.4. Fuuuuck. So, stackers, 1000 kcal, start using my mf crosstrainer, weigh-in every Wednesday and Saturday (Saturday being the official day, Wednesday just to check progress). I am tired, pissed, and feel a bit defeated.
I gained seven kilos when everything fell apart. I sleep most of the time and have "breakfast" at 2pm (a protein shake) and then I eat a humongous amount of crap in the evening after I've gone to bed at 6pm. Sleep is such a sweet release.
I cut off all my hair, pretty much, and dyed it black. I've had red hair since I was 16, with short breaks for pink and purple.
I'm seeing my doctor in a week's time. We're going to discuss changing my diabetes medication. I just want some fricking semaglutide, how hard can it be? I have diabetes so what's the effing problem? I don't want to change my GP office, but if that's what it's going to take to find a doctor who takes me seriously, what choice do I have?
This morning I had what I figured was a first meeting before scheduling surgery for the thing on my nose. The surgeon explained what she would do and all that, and then she said, "right, I think we're ready." "For what?" I asked. She looked at me as if I was a bit slow and said, "the surgery?" My jaw hit the floor.
I had no idea.
So now I have this giant-ass plaster on my nose and look like I was in a fight.
I sent the proof of my crime to my mother yesterday. She'll probably receive it tomorrow, and then I will have no family left. Oh, gods, I don't want to think about it. People will want to beat me up. Will mum call the cops? Possibly. And I still can't pay my bills this month. I am so utterly fucked.
A week ago, at 11.10 pm, the cops rang my doorbell. My brother had contacted them, prompted by my mother, to do a welfare check. The Police had first contacted the emergency psych ward to see if I had been admitted.
I haven't answered the phone during all this time. My mother has tried to reach me sometimes twice a day. I text back to my brother when he text me. I also blocked people so they can't contact me on Instagram or Facebook. The shame is killing me.
I have debts up to 14,000 SEK (1500 USD) this month and 700 SEK in my account.
Last week I wrote that I had a month or two before everything blew up in my face. Well, it happened quicker than that. Tomorrow, Sunday, my family will find out what I have done. I am terrified. What if they call the police? I am blocking everyone on IG and FB, and on my phone. I can't leave my apartment in fear of being jumped by my family. What if they get the landlord to open the front door?
I have written a suicide letter, just in case. I need to make sure my cat is taken care of. Everything is prepared.
Well, at least it's down.
Weight: 83.7 kg (-0.5 kg)/184.5 lbs (-1.1 lbs)
BMI: 37.2
Weight loss since Sept 16, 2023: 9.4 kg/20.7 lbs
I am ten kilos/twenty-two pounds from my normal weight as an adult. I used to think I was super fat (which I honestly was) but that's 43 kg/94.8 lbs from my highest. My next goal is to be under 80 kg/176.4 lbs.
I bought a new pair of summer jeans two sizes too small. I tried them on yesterday and even though I had to lie down to zip them up, I'm counting on losing enough weight by summer to be able to stand without them cutting me in half.
Cheat meal of the week was sushi. I haven't had sushi in over two months and have been craving salmon for the past week.
I lost a fairly good chunk of weight this week, despite no sleep for two nights and quite a lot of candy.
Weight: 84.2 kg (-0.7 kg)/185.6 lbs (-1.6 lbs)
BMI: 37.4
Weight loss since Sept 16, 2023: 8.9 kg/19.6 lbs
Every afternoon and evening for the past week I've had candy. I measure up 150 g (5.3 ounces) in a small miso soup bowl and lock the rest up in a box with a timer. I think I might have had my period or am ovulating; that's usually when I get candy cravings, and I mean cravings like I could murder someone for a piece of praline.
After my stacker break I decided to start taking one a day, but had to up it to two again to get the kick. I don't like it, but it is what it is.
This week's cheat meal was from McDonald's: half a Big Mac and a Happy meal with half a dry-ass McChicken, a full small fries, and half a bag of apple slices. And a toy; a My Melody plushy. It was too much and I burped Big Mac all evening. Last week I had two chicken souvlaki and a veggie souvlaki (Greek skewers) and I think I might have it next week too, because it was sooo good.
The scab where my seborrheic ketosis was fell off. It's still a crater, but at least it looks better now that it isn't bright red. Kitty kat's scab also seems to get better, which hopefully means he won't need antibiotics. I took the cone off to see if he can leave it alone, otherwise it goes back on.
A tiny loss, but I have been poppin' candy like a mad woman. Stress eating galore.
Weight: 84.9 kg (-0.2 kg)/187.2 lbs (-0.4 lbs)
BMI: 37.7
Weight loss since Sept 16, 2023: 8.2 kg/18.1 lbs
I am so fucking tired of reading about people losing weight on semaglutide (people who doesn't even have diabetes) and here I am downing stackers because my doctor don't want to prescribe me Rybelsus.
The good news: the spot on my nose is probably not cancer. The doc I saw said it's likely Seborrheic keratosis, and I quote from Wikipedia: "seborrheic keratosis is a non-cancerous skin tumour that originates from cells, namely keratinocytes, in the outer layer of the skin called the epidermis. Like liver spots, seborrheic keratoses are seen more often as people age." So, Mother Nature is basically telling me to stop lying about my age. There is another name for SK in Swedish. Gubbmossa. That means "old man's moss." The doctor simply lifted it off with her nails (she was wearing gloves) and exposed the raw skin under. It didn't hurt and still doesn't; I clean it a couple of times a day with alsol and have another appointment next Friday. It does look like a crater, though.
The bad news: my cat has a big boo boo. He developed a bump under his jaw that had to be cut open and emptied of pus and now he has to wear a cone and is miserable. I have to force feed him anti inflammatory meds and pain killers once a day. Next vet appointment is on Monday, and hopefully the tests will show it was just a boil and not cancer. I can't afford cancer.
I gained, but that's not my biggest problem right now.
Weight: 85.1 kg (+0.5 kg)/187.6 lbs (+1.1 lbs)
BMI: 37.8
Weight loss since Sept 16, 2023: 8 kg/17.6 lbs
I took my last penicillin pill Thursday and my first stacker Friday. The spot on my nose is no better so I'm heading to the GP Tuesday so they can write me a referral to a dermatologist. I am worried. I've had/have two relatives with skin cancer; one died.
Well, well, well, I actually lost weight.
Weight: 84.6 kg (-1.1 kg)/186.5 lbs (-2.4 lbs)
BMI: 37.6
Weight loss since Sept 16, 2023: 8.5 kg/10.6 lbs
I've been on antibiotics since Monday a week ago because of a mysterious spot on my nose. The doctor (not my usual one) couldn't say what it is, so he prescribed antibiotics and if it doesn't get better I have to get back to him. I decided to stop taking stackers for the duration so I've been *clean* for over a week. I haven't really watched my eating, so I was very surprised when I weighed myself yesterday and had lost over a kilo in one week. It's only because my stomach is VERY upset due to the antibiotics. I haven't been able to leave my flat in several days. I was supposed to have Easter dinner at my sister's on Saturday, but had to stay home because I didn't dare taking the bus so far (30 minutes).
I haven't taken stackers for several days, I needed a break (should be eight weeks on, two weeks off).
Weight: 85.7 kg (+0.9 kg)/188.9 lbs (+1.9 lbs)
BMI: 38.1
Weight loss since Sept 16, 2023: 7.4 kg/8.2 lbs
As soon as I stop taking stackers I gain, a lot. I hate taking stackers, I hate hate hate it, but what choice do I have? I have to see a doctor next week for something else and if it's my personal GP I am going to ask her about Rybelsus again. I can't go on like this.
Aaand I gained it back.
Weight: 84.8 kg (+0.5 kg)/187 lbs (+1.2 lbs)
BMI: 37.7
Weight loss since Sept 16, 2023: 8.3 kg/10.1 lbs
I didn't sleep for two nights because the fucking pharmacist couldn't read the fucking computer screen and give me my fucking sleeping pills. I am still upset and I am never going back to that pharmacy. He made me think that I couldn't get any new until two weeks ahead and it wasn't until I was home again that I remembered that I was short on pills because I only got half my prescription the last time. So, back downtown the next day (in the pouring rain) to another pharmacy where the lady did know how to fucking read and I finally got my goddamn pills. I was so tired Friday and Saturday after the sleepless nights that I was shaking. I slept for 13 hours Saturday/Sunday night.
I lost a kilo this week, but it was hard.
Weight: 84.3 kg (-1 kg)/185.8 lbs (-2.3 lbs)
BMI: 37.5
Weight loss since Sept 16, 2023: 9.2 kg/20.3 lbs
Monday morning my new doctor called again and this time I answered. Among other things we discussed my weight loss (or rather, lack of). She told me about the city's free health centre where they can help with things such as diets and I told her my diet's fine and that I eat around a thousand calories a day. "Oh, that's a bit on the low side," she said. "Well, I am 85 kilos, I need to lose weight," I said, and that part of the conversation sort of ended there. Since my blood test results were so good I asked if I could cut down on my diabetes meds because one of the side effects is a VERY upset stomach, and she said I could halve the dose. Then she said that somewhere in the future we could discuss Rybelsus again. Fingers crossed. We never touched on the topic of stackers.
My Saturday cheat meal turned into a binge. Nine nuggets and a Happy Meal with a cheeseburger, fries and baby carrots. A day later and I am still nauseated.
I'm getting a lot of money back on my taxes so I bought myself a Garmin Venu Sq 2 smartwatch and I love it. It was well worth the money and it keeps excellent track of everything. I also bought myself a new phone, a Motorola Moto G84.
I gained, but I am not surprised. I only slept a few hours between Tuesday and Friday and the whole week was a shit show.
Weight: 85.3 kg (+0.2 kg)/188.1 lbs (+0.5 lbs)
BMI: 37.9
Weight loss since Sept 16, 2023: 8.2 kg/18 lbs
I wrote my doctor's office an email asking for Rybelsus (oral semaglutide, for diabetes 2) after my nurse decided I didn't need it. I told them about my stackers. I told them my weight and BMI. I told them about my high blood pressure and cholesterol. I told them I couldn't lose the weight on my own. A couple of days later I got the answer that their diabetes doc didn't think I should change medications. So that was that. I am so fucking disappointed. I also wrote in my letter that I DON'T want them to call me, DON'T in capital letters; that if they wanted to contact me it had to be through the health app. They scheduled a call for Friday morning. I did not answer.
I wasn't supposed to have a cheat meal this week due to the gain, but then I thought "fuck it" and had one of my all-time favourites: Kraft's Mac 'n' Cheese with a can of tuna and Heinz ketchup with less salt and sugar. It was my staple food when I lived in the States, real comfort food, and I needed some fucking comfort. Then I bit into something hard and almost threw up, so I ended up eating only half.
I found a box full of clothes that I bought some years ago when I thought I was going to lose weight but never did, but now I am, so suddenly I have a lot of clothes that fit. Three sets of pyjamas (my two Nightmare Before Christmas finally fit!), tops, summer clothes, oh my!
Another tiny loss, but considering I gained during the week I'm happy with any loss. I was at 86.1 kg a couple of days ago! Probably water weight, but still. I almost fainted when I saw the number.
Weight: 85.1 kg (-0.4 kg)/187.6 lbs (-0.9 lbs)
BMI: 37.8
Weight loss since Sept 16, 2023: 8.4 kg/18.5 lbs
I tried on a sports bra I bought some years back but never fit into, and now I do (I use one when sleeping). All my old bras are too large now and I use my only two *skinny* bras (80E/36DD) so I had to order some new from Germany. I also tried on my (vegan) leather jacket that I've had for three years and I can finally close the zipper! Granted, I can't breathe, but that day will come.
Now I remember why I stopped eating shirataki noodles; the texture was like eating worms. I took one bite and almost barfed.
I had a semla. A traditional semla is a cardamom bun filled with almond paste and whipped cream, but I bought an Ettan semla, where the almond paste is mixed in with the cream. It used to be eaten on Fat Tuesday, but nowadays they start selling them earlier. If I could I would eat them every day because I fucking love semlor. Unfortunately so does my cat, so I had to sneak eat it. Fun fact: king Adolf Frederick of Sweden ate himself to death, polishing off the last dinner with fourteen semlor. They're that good.
What a week. Why can't I sleep? Why is my weight loss so slow? Don't answer that, please.
Weight: 85.5 kg (-0.5 kg)/188.5 lbs (-1.1 lbs)
BMI: 38
Weight loss since Sept 16, 2023: 8 kg/17.6 lbs
I had this week's cheat meal on Friday, when li'l bro and I went to see mum and we had take-away. Orange chicken, spicy lime chicken and fried rice for me, with a large lingonberry juice.
I have fallen into the hole that is Amberlynn Reid. I was just going to watch a reaction video on YouTube by Sean of Steel (love that guy) and now I can't stop. One part of me feels sorry for her childhood and one part, the largest part, makes me want to slap some sense into her. Stop eating all that junk! Get moving! Be nicer to people, especially your girlfriends (poor Destiny, I really liked her)!
I've finally started using my cross trainer. Holy crap, my legs! I can't do any long stretches yet, but I get on it several times a day. I do not calculate calories burned because that doesn't matter since I don't eat them back (it's too imprecise for me).
In my quest for the ideal dinner I have decided to give shirataki noodles another go. I went online to one of my two favourite Japanese/Asian stores and ordered both ramen and udon spice mixes to spice them up a bit. Eating 650 calories a day is fine, albeit a bit boring, but even if I eat shirataki noodles with a curry sauce the whole day is still under 1000 calories so I should be okay. Right?
I've been bitching about how the only thing that's slimmed down so far are my ankles, but today in the shower I noticed that I now can see my navel. My stomach used to be so big and taut that the navel was sort of underneath, but now it has migrated north. It's those little things.
What I eat in a day, photo edition:
Brunch (12:30pm) is a protein shake (ice coffee) with collagen and Dulcosoft Plus (to soften my stool). Not pictured is the unsweetened almond milk (250 ml). ~237 calories.
Dinner (4pm) is one of three different miso soups. 160 ml, 30 calories.
I added the rose hip and blueberry soups so I get some variety. I don't feel comfortable eating soy every day, because it can fuck up your thyroid.
I am so mad at myself. I didn't sleep the night before Friday and of course it showed on the scale: I gained Friday and ended up higher on Saturday than on Thursday. I had lost a kilo and was under 86 kilos ffs!😠
Weight: 86 kg (-0.7 kg)/189.6 lbs (-1.5 lbs)
BMI: 38.2
Weight loss since Sept 16, 2023: 7.5 kg/16.5 lbs
I've changed my diet again. The chicken just didn't work anymore; I almost puked and that was the end of that. Now I'm having a protein shake with unsweetened almond milk (instead of water) and collagen powder for breakfast (~240 kcal), miso soup for dinner (30 kcal), then two crisp bread, a carrot, a protein bar, and an ice lolly in the evening (~375 kcal). A bit over 640 calories, less if I skip the protein bar. MFP is not happy with me.
I have been super triggered lately after seeing my brother's fiancée for the first time since Christmas. She's on a diet and you can already see it on her face. She's a big girl, not as fat as me though, and I feel like a fucking hippo next to her. My face still looks fat, but hey, my ankles are even slimmer! Awesome.
My cheat meal this week was half a sub (turkey, sweet onion dressing) which I didn't finish because it was drenched in dressing although I told the idiot I just wanted a little, and a chocolate chip cookie. I also had a Jarritos Guava.
I had a meeting with my diabetes nurse on Friday morning (that's why I couldn't sleep the night before). I asked her if I could quit Metformin and try Rybelsus (oral Semaglutide) instead, since I have heard a lot of good about Rybselsus and weight loss. She shot that down pretty quickly, because she thinks I can lose the weight without it just because I've lost 30 kilos (66.1 lbs) since my all-time highest of 116 kilos (255.7 lbs). I just wanted to cry. I want to stop taking stackers because I know what they're doing to my heart, but I just can't cope on my own. I can't tell her that though, because stackers are illegal in my country and I sure as hell don't want to be labelled a druggie.
Slowly downwards. I can't remember the last time I was under 87 kg. Hell, I can't remember the last time I was under 90.
Weight: 86.7 kg (-0.4 kg)/191.1 lb (-0.9 lb)
BMI: 38.5
Weight loss since Sept 16, 2023: 6.8 kg/15 lb
Sleep has not improved. Eating is so-so. I have discovered carrots.
Yesterday's cheat meal was a large mama sushi (i.e. vegetarian) but I didn't finish it; the rolls were too thick, so I only had two.
I only lost 0.3 kg/0.66 lb this week, but considering I've barely been sleeping for several days I'll take it. At least it's down.
Weight: 87.1 kg (-0.3 kg)/192 lbs (-0.7 lb)
BMI: 38.7
Weight loss since Sept 16, 2023: 6.4 kg/14.1 lbs
After some waffling I decided to try 5:2 (intermittent fasting) again. Didn't work; I ended up binging during the night.
I woke up at 1pm Saturday so no cheat meal that day; had my sub today Sunday instead. Half white bread, turkey, vegs (salad, pickles, extra red onion, black olives) with a little bit of sweet onion dressing, as well as salt and pepper. I also had a chocolate chip cookie because they are the shit.
It's 6pm and I'm off to bed.
FINALLY! I have finally passed 88 kilos! I've been gaining and losing the same two kilos over and over again, but today, glory of glories, I am down to 87!
Weight: 87.4 kg (-1 kg)/192.7 lbs (-2.2 lbs)
BMI: 38.8
Weight loss since Sept 16, 2023: 6.1 kg/13.4 lbs
This weeks cheat meal was nine nuggets from McD with curry sauce and an apple pie. I cannot fathom how I could eat 20 pieces on my own, back when. Nine almost floored me!
I've already grown tired of wax beans, so I decided to eat mixed beans instead with my chicken; borlotti beans (a.k.a. cranberry beans), kidney beans and cannellini beans (a.k.a. white kidney beans), all fairly high in protein. I also changed my macros at MFP to a higher protein number and a lower carb limit.
I've been weighing myself daily instead of just Saturdays, and lately Wednesdays to check that I'm on the right track. I don't know if I'll keep doing that, because the last time I weighed myself everyday it spiraled out of control, but it is so satisfying seeing the graph slope downwards - until it doesn't. Then I usually binge because fuck it, I'm always gonna be fat so who cares, and down that road madness lies.
I stopped taking Olanzapine/Zyprexa without consulting my doctor. What I feared most wasn't the paranoia or the hallucinations, but that my sleep would get even worse, which is exactly what happened, so I'm back on it again. It truly is the Devil's crack cocaine though and I am tired of being ravenous with hunger every night after I've taken it, but being awake just makes me bored and then I eat because I have zero self-control when I'm bored, so it is what it is. I was on a fairly low dose, 10mg, but started taking 20 mg. I need my sleep.
I finally got my new scales (Whitings Body) so from now on I can be certain of my weight.
Weight: 88.4 kg (-1.1 kg)/194.9 lbs (-2.4 lbs)
BMI: 39.3
Weight loss since Sept 16, 2023: 5.1 kg/11.2 lbs
It's a useful set, showing weight and BMI, but also, of all things, the weather forecast. There are other measurements too, but you need to download an app that sucked and buy a subscription, and I just can't be arsed. Number of steps is redundant, because I usually don't walk even 2000 steps a day. I need to do something about that. I have a cross trainer, but I don't use it, I don't know why. It's better than going outside, which I rarely do.
I've grown very tired of quark and Greek yoghurt, so I switched to a protein shake (ice coffee, sooo delicious) in the morning, made with unsweetened almond milk, and plain chicken and wax beans with sriracha mayo for dinner. I've also decided to stop eating my usual (kinda large) piece of chocolate in the evening and stick with a protein bar instead. This means that more of my calories come from protein instead of carbs, and I'm not eating as much dairy as I used to do (I'm slightly lactose intolerant).
The cheat meal of the week was a humongous falafel in bread, with garlic dressing and extra onion. My tummy hurts.
I am so freaking sick. My head is full of snot and my throat feels like I've deep-throated a cactus.
Weight: 89.5 kg/197.3 lbs
BMI: 39.8
Weight loss since Sept 16, 2023: 4 kg/8.8 lbs
I don't know how accurate that gain is, because my boobs have lost so much weight that I can use the bras I bought for a thinner me. I suspect it's water weight. My feet are so bloated that my shoes and fuzzy slippers feel a size too small and my pants are hugging my calves. I have ordered a new set of scales, because my old one is first of all over ten years old and second it can show three different weights after each other depending on how I breathe. New batteries have not helped.
Right now it's -21C (-5.8F) and I am LOVING it. Snow, sun and several degrees minus; it doesn't get much better than this. It's so beautiful! I'd rather have -21C than +21C any day. Unfortunately I slipped and fell Tuesday and hurt myself pretty bad; my whole left side is still in pain, and my knee hurts like the blazes.
