Tired

 I only lost 0.3 kg/0.66 lb this week, but considering I've barely been sleeping for several days I'll take it. At least it's down.

Weight: 87.1 kg (-0.3 kg)/192 lbs (-0.7 lb)

BMI: 38.7

Weight loss since Sept 16, 2023: 6.4 kg/14.1 lbs

After some waffling I decided to try 5:2 (intermittent fasting) again. Didn't work; I ended up binging during the night. 

I woke up at 1pm Saturday so no cheat meal that day; had my sub today Sunday instead. Half white bread, turkey, vegs (salad, pickles, extra red onion, black olives) with a little bit of sweet onion dressing, as well as salt and pepper. I also had a chocolate chip cookie because they are the shit.

It's 6pm and I'm off to bed.

Updated diet and macros

 FINALLY! I have finally passed 88 kilos! I've been gaining and losing the same two kilos over and over again, but today, glory of glories, I am down to 87!

Weight: 87.4 kg (-1 kg)/192.7 lbs (-2.2 lbs)

BMI: 38.8

Weight loss since Sept 16, 2023: 6.1 kg/13.4 lbs

This weeks cheat meal was nine nuggets from McD with curry sauce and an apple pie. I cannot fathom how I could eat 20 pieces on my own, back when. Nine almost floored me!

I've already grown tired of wax beans, so I decided to eat mixed beans instead with my chicken; borlotti beans (a.k.a. cranberry beans), kidney beans and cannellini beans (a.k.a. white kidney beans), all fairly high in protein. I also changed my macros at MFP to a higher protein number and a lower carb limit.

I've been weighing myself daily instead of just Saturdays, and lately Wednesdays to check that I'm on the right track. I don't know if I'll keep doing that, because the last time I weighed myself everyday it spiraled out of control, but it is so satisfying seeing the graph slope downwards - until it doesn't. Then I usually binge because fuck it, I'm always gonna be fat so who cares, and down that road madness lies.

I stopped taking Olanzapine/Zyprexa without consulting my doctor. What I feared most wasn't the paranoia or the hallucinations, but that my sleep would get even worse, which is exactly what happened, so I'm back on it again. It truly is the Devil's crack cocaine though and I am tired of being ravenous with hunger every night after I've taken it, but being awake just makes me bored and then I eat because I have zero self-control when I'm bored, so it is what it is. I was on a fairly low dose, 10mg, but started taking 20 mg. I need my sleep.

New scales, new diet

 I finally got my new scales (Whitings Body) so from now on I can be certain of my weight.

Weight: 88.4 kg (-1.1 kg)/194.9 lbs (-2.4 lbs)

BMI: 39.3

Weight loss since Sept 16, 2023: 5.1 kg/11.2 lbs

It's a useful set, showing weight and BMI, but also, of all things, the weather forecast. There are other measurements too, but you need to download an app that sucked and buy a subscription, and I just can't be arsed. Number of steps is redundant, because I usually don't walk even 2000 steps a day. I need to do something about that. I have a cross trainer, but I don't use it, I don't know why. It's better than going outside, which I rarely do.

I've grown very tired of quark and Greek yoghurt, so I switched to a protein shake (ice coffee, sooo delicious) in the morning, made with unsweetened almond milk, and plain chicken and wax beans with sriracha mayo for dinner. I've also decided to stop eating my usual (kinda large) piece of chocolate in the evening and stick with a protein bar instead. This means that more of my calories come from protein instead of carbs, and I'm not eating as much dairy as I used to do (I'm slightly lactose intolerant).

The cheat meal of the week was a humongous falafel in bread, with garlic dressing and extra onion. My tummy hurts.

Feeling sorry for myself

 I am so freaking sick. My head is full of snot and my throat feels like I've deep-throated a cactus.

Weight: 89.5 kg/197.3 lbs

BMI: 39.8

Weight loss since Sept 16, 2023: 4 kg/8.8 lbs

I don't know how accurate that gain is, because my boobs have lost so much weight that I can use the bras I bought for a thinner me. I suspect it's water weight. My feet are so bloated that my shoes and fuzzy slippers feel a size too small and my pants are hugging my calves. I have ordered a new set of scales, because my old one is first of all over ten years old and second it can show three different weights after each other depending on how I breathe. New batteries have not helped.

Right now it's -21C (-5.8F) and I am LOVING it. Snow, sun and several degrees minus; it doesn't get much better than this. It's so beautiful! I'd rather have -21C than +21C any day. Unfortunately I slipped and fell Tuesday and hurt myself pretty bad; my whole left side is still in pain, and my knee hurts like the blazes.