Well, at least it's down

 I forgot (!!) to take a stacker Friday because I woke up late and man, was that day hard to get through. Three days I ate between 1300 and 1500 calories, so that have to stop. Christmas is coming and I need to get into that dress.

Weight: 89.6 kg (-0.5 kg)/197.5 lbs (-1.1 lbs)

BMI: 39.8

Weight loss since Sept 16: 3.9 kg/8.6 lbs

I pigged out on McD's for my cheat meal. A lot was purchased. I didn't eat all of the fries, thank God (it's my nemesis) but had a couple of bites of a McFeast Chicken (no tomato, extra onion), a whole apple pie, and a McFlurry Daim. This following week will have to be extra stringent. I've filled my fridge with non-fat Greek yoghurt (2 kilos!), apples, and pressed lemon juice for my ice water. I'm still eating low fat, zero sugar quark (kvarg) for breakfast, because just the thought of having a proper brekkie just makes me gag. I don't like eating in the morning, I prefer brunch, at 12:30pm (while watching Emmerdale :D). I'm most hungry when I've gone to bed, after taking my night pills (one of them is Olanzapine, a.k.a. the devil's crack cocaine, but I have to take it and it makes me RAVENOUS). Some crisp bread, an ice lolly, some chocolate, and a sliced Granny Smith apple usually keep the binges away, but not always. 

I take twelve + one different medications per day (the "one" I only take when needed, it's a mild sedative). My whole day is just pills. Morning pills to get me up and to get me through the day without killing myself or others, pills to not die, pills to not eat, pills not to go crazy, pills to sleep.

Tiny steps in the right direction

 Well, at least I lost a bit this week, even if it wasn't much. Went to a funeral on Friday with the obligatory *fika* afterwards where I tried not to eat myself silly. Their "sandwich cake" (smörgåstårta) was to die for, no pun intended. I was awake two nights, eating quite heavily during one, so I feel I have to be content with my minimal loss.

Weight: 90.1 kg (- 0.4 kg)/198.6 lbs (-0.9 lbs)

BMI: 40

Weight loss since Sept 16: 3.4 kg/7.5 lbs

This weeks cheat meal was half a sub from Subway: turkey breast on white bread, salad, pickles, olives, extra red onion, and half a serving of sweet onion dressing (I hate soggy bread); 300 kcal all in all. I had a double serving of café au lait as dessert (120 kcal).

My new stacker makes me shake like a mofo, especially my hands, which I guess is a good sign. I don't have any cravings during daytime anymore; it's only in the night when the stacker has worn out that the urge to binge comes.

I'm a bed snacker, i.e. I want something when I'm lying in bed reading or watching Youtube (true crime, poker, pimple poppers, or archaeology). Before the diet it meant something like cookies or candy, anything sweet, really, and/or buttered pop corn. Now I eat Granny Smith apples instead. I keep them in the fridge so they are cold and extra crispy, then I slice them very thinly. If I want it really fancy I put the slices in a plastic bag, add cinnamon and shake it. Delicious!

Bugger

 Oh, darn it. Gained almost a kilo. I blame it on lack of sleep and a day of comfort eating after some personal crap bobbed its head up (again).

Weight: 90.5 kg (+0.9 kg)/ 199.5 lbs (+2 lbs)

BMI: 40.2

Weight loss since Sept 16: 3 kg/6.6 lbs

Except for that one day of stress eating I've been keeping it rather low-cal this week. I've started eating Greek yoghurt for dinner; 118 kcal for 150 grams, will change brand to a low fat one the next time I go shopping (90 kcal/150 gr). No cheat meal this Saturday due to the weight gain, since the cheat meal is a reward for a week of weight loss. I haven't eaten any ice cream at all in four weeks, but I still have an ice lolly (55 kcal) at night. I switched stacker brands and hope that will show next weigh-in. I have also changed my calorie intake at My Fitness Pal, from 1200 to 1000 kcal per day.

I looked up my ideal weight (link here) and it's between 41.6 and 56.3 kilos (91.6-123.8 lbs). That's the first time I've seen my ideal weight under 50 kilos. I'm 150 cm tall (4'11"), so 50 kilos (110 lbs) isn't exactly being a skeleton. 

In the eighties!

 I'm in the eighties! Not by much, but still, I'm under 90 kilos and that makes me very happy! I honestly didn't think I'd lose anything this week due to some bad food choices, but the dieting gods were kind.

Weight: 89.6 kg (-0.6 kg)/197.5 lbs (-1.4 lbs)

BMI: 39.8

Weight loss since Sept 16: 3.9 kg/8.6 lbs

The Saturday cheat meal was sushi and next week it might be pizza; I haven't decided yet. 

I miss ice cream. 

Goal one done and over with!

  I am under 200 lbs! Next goal is getting under 90 kg. I lost almost two kilos this week and I am super happy with that. Sleep has been so much better and I've had good control over food. No more ice cream, which is tough, let me tell ya, but I still eat one or two mini ice lollies in the evening (55 kcal each).

Saturday's cheat meal was... bread. Li'l bro and I went home to mum's and stayed all day, so we had coffee, sandwiches and blueberry pie. But, oh, it was delish. It was also dinner for me (didn't eat for the rest of the evening, except for an ice lolly in bed) so hopefully I'll stay on track.

Weight: 90.2 kg (-1.9 kg) /198.9 lbs (-4.1 lbs)

BMI: 40.1

Weight loss since Sept 16: 3.3 kg/7.2 lbs