Semlor

 Another tiny loss, but considering I gained during the week I'm happy with any loss. I was at 86.1 kg a couple of days ago! Probably water weight, but still. I almost fainted when I saw the number.

Weight: 85.1 kg (-0.4 kg)/187.6 lbs (-0.9 lbs)

BMI: 37.8

Weight loss since Sept 16, 2023: 8.4 kg/18.5 lbs

I tried on a sports bra I bought some years back but never fit into, and now I do (I use one when sleeping). All my old bras are too large now and I use my only two *skinny* bras (80E/36DD) so I had to order some new from Germany. I also tried on my (vegan) leather jacket that I've had for three years and I can finally close the zipper! Granted, I can't breathe, but that day will come.

Now I remember why I stopped eating shirataki noodles; the texture was like eating worms. I took one bite and almost barfed.

I had a semla. A traditional semla is a cardamom bun filled with almond paste and whipped cream, but I bought an Ettan semla, where the almond paste is mixed in with the cream. It used to be eaten on Fat Tuesday, but nowadays they start selling them earlier. If I could I would eat them every day because I fucking love semlor. Unfortunately so does my cat, so I had to sneak eat it. Fun fact: king Adolf Frederick of Sweden ate himself to death, polishing off the last dinner with fourteen semlor. They're that good.

My doc at the psychiatric hospital has let me go. It was sort of mutual. I am at a stable level and have been for the last year (because I always lie when he asks me how I am doing) and there is nothing else they can offer me that I haven't tried before. My regular doctor will be responsible for my prescriptions from now on, so we'll see how that goes.

My cheat meal of the week was nine McD nuggets with curry dip and an apple pie.

Help, I've fallen and can't get up

 What a week. Why can't I sleep? Why is my weight loss so slow? Don't answer that, please.

Weight: 85.5 kg (-0.5 kg)/188.5 lbs (-1.1 lbs)

BMI: 38

Weight loss since Sept 16, 2023: 8 kg/17.6 lbs

I had this week's cheat meal on Friday, when li'l bro and I went to see mum and we had take-away. Orange chicken, spicy lime chicken and fried rice for me, with a large lingonberry juice.

I have fallen into the hole that is Amberlynn Reid. I was just going to watch a reaction video on YouTube by Sean of Steel (love that guy) and now I can't stop. One part of me feels sorry for her childhood and one part, the largest part, makes me want to slap some sense into her. Stop eating all that junk! Get moving! Be nicer to people, especially your girlfriends (poor Destiny, I really liked her)!

I've finally started using my cross trainer. Holy crap, my legs! I can't do any long stretches yet, but I get on it several times a day. I do not calculate calories burned because that doesn't matter since I don't eat them back (it's too imprecise for me).

In my quest for the ideal dinner I have decided to give shirataki noodles another go. I went online to one of my two favourite Japanese/Asian stores and ordered both ramen and udon spice mixes to spice them up a bit. Eating 650 calories a day is fine, albeit a bit boring, but even if I eat shirataki noodles with a curry sauce the whole day is still under 1000 calories so I should be okay. Right?

I've been bitching about how the only thing that's slimmed down so far are my ankles, but today in the shower I noticed that I now can see my navel. My stomach used to be so big and taut that the navel was sort of underneath, but now it has migrated north. It's those little things.

What I eat in a day, photo edition:

Brunch (12:30pm) is a protein shake (ice coffee) with collagen and Dulcosoft Plus (to soften my stool). Not pictured is the unsweetened almond milk (250 ml). ~237 calories.

Dinner (4pm) is one of three different miso soups. 160 ml, 30 calories.

Or...

Rose hip soup or blueberry soup, both without added sugar. 36/38 calories for 200 ml.

Evening meal (7pm) is an ice lolly, a carrot, two crisp bread, and, as a backup, one out of two N!CK's protein bars (coconut or peanut caramel). ~375 calories.

My daily supplements. Oxytarm (to get my bowels moving), Silicea, PlaqueOff, Sun, vitamin D with ginger and turmeric, B complex with vitamin C, and Omega 3 Forte (I take 2000mg).

I added the rose hip and blueberry soups so I get some variety. I don't feel comfortable eating soy every day, because it can fuck up your thyroid.

Depressing update (sorry)

I am so mad at myself. I didn't sleep the night before Friday and of course it showed on the scale: I gained Friday and ended up higher on Saturday than on Thursday. I had lost a kilo and was under 86 kilos ffs!😠

Weight: 86 kg (-0.7 kg)/189.6 lbs (-1.5 lbs)

BMI: 38.2

Weight loss since Sept 16, 2023: 7.5 kg/16.5 lbs

I've changed my diet again. The chicken just didn't work anymore; I almost puked and that was the end of that. Now I'm having a protein shake with unsweetened almond milk (instead of water) and collagen powder for breakfast (~240 kcal), miso soup for dinner (30 kcal), then two crisp bread, a carrot, a protein bar, and an ice lolly in the evening (~375 kcal). A bit over 640 calories, less if I skip the protein bar. MFP is not happy with me.

I have been super triggered lately after seeing my brother's fiancée for the first time since Christmas. She's on a diet and you can already see it on her face. She's a big girl, not as fat as me though, and I feel like a fucking hippo next to her. My face still looks fat, but hey, my ankles are even slimmer! Awesome.

My cheat meal this week was half a sub (turkey, sweet onion dressing) which I didn't finish because it was drenched in dressing although I told the idiot I just wanted a little, and a chocolate chip cookie. I also had a Jarritos Guava.

A woman complimented my feet a couple of days ago; she thought they were cute (I wear size 36/5.5 US/3.5 UK). That is the kindest someone has been to me since I lived in the States ages ago and a woman said I was cute (she was high as a kite). Not even my exes told me anything like that, on the contrary. After we broke up, the last one told me how embarrassed he had been over my looks after his work mates and brother told him how fat and ugly I was. So, yeah, that was fun.

I had a meeting with my diabetes nurse on Friday morning (that's why I couldn't sleep the night before). I asked her if I could quit Metformin and try Rybelsus (oral Semaglutide) instead, since I have heard a lot of good about Rybselsus and weight loss. She shot that down pretty quickly, because she thinks I can lose the weight without it just because I've lost 30 kilos (66.1 lbs) since my all-time highest of 116 kilos (255.7 lbs). I just wanted to cry. I want to stop taking stackers because I know what they're doing to my heart, but I just can't cope on my own. I can't tell her that though, because stackers are illegal in my country and I sure as hell don't want to be labelled a druggie.

Short update

 Slowly downwards. I can't remember the last time I was under 87 kg. Hell, I can't remember the last time I was under 90.

Weight: 86.7 kg (-0.4 kg)/191.1 lb (-0.9 lb)

BMI: 38.5

Weight loss since Sept 16, 2023: 6.8 kg/15 lb

Sleep has not improved. Eating is so-so. I have discovered carrots.

Yesterday's cheat meal was a large mama sushi (i.e. vegetarian) but I didn't finish it; the rolls were too thick, so I only had two.