Up the creek

 Well, at least it's down.

Weight: 83.7 kg (-0.5 kg)/184.5 lbs (-1.1 lbs)

BMI: 37.2

Weight loss since Sept 16, 2023: 9.4 kg/20.7 lbs

I am ten kilos/twenty-two pounds from my normal weight as an adult. I used to think I was super fat (which I honestly was) but that's 43 kg/94.8 lbs from my highest. My next goal is to be under 80 kg/176.4 lbs.

I bought a new pair of summer jeans two sizes too small. I tried them on yesterday and even though I had to lie down to zip them up, I'm counting on losing enough weight by summer to be able to stand without them cutting me in half.

Cheat meal of the week was sushi. I haven't had sushi in over two months and have been craving salmon for the past week.

I calculated my BMR and TDEE on My Fitness Pal. BMR was 1369 kcal and TDEE was 1642. For cutting calories, at 500 kcal a day, I got 1142. I am thinking of upping my calories to 1200 from 1000, but I can't decide. That number scares me. Maybe I'll give it a week and see what happens.

I have fucked up pretty much everything regarding my family and within the next one or two months my lies will come out and shit will hit the fan and I won't have any family left, which honestly is nothing less than I deserve. I am so stressed I feel like throwing up all the time.

Old new clothes

 

I gained, but I am not surprised. I only slept a few hours between Tuesday and Friday and the whole week was a shit show.

 

Weight: 85.3 kg (+0.2 kg)/188.1 lbs (+0.5 lbs)

BMI: 37.9

Weight loss since Sept 16, 2023: 8.2 kg/18 lbs

I wrote my doctor's office an email asking for Rybelsus (oral semaglutide, for diabetes 2) after my nurse decided I didn't need it. I told them about my stackers. I told them my weight and BMI. I told them about my high blood pressure and cholesterol. I told them I couldn't lose the weight on my own. A couple of days later I got the answer that their diabetes doc didn't think I should change medications. So that was that. I am so fucking disappointed. I also wrote in my letter that I DON'T want them to call me, DON'T in capital letters; that if they wanted to contact me it had to be through the health app. They scheduled a call for Friday morning. I did not answer.

I wasn't supposed to have a cheat meal this week due to the gain, but then I thought "fuck it" and had one of my all-time favourites: Kraft's Mac 'n' Cheese with a can of tuna and Heinz ketchup with less salt and sugar. It was my staple food when I lived in the States, real comfort food, and I needed some fucking comfort. Then I bit into something hard and almost threw up, so I ended up eating only half.

I found a box full of clothes that I bought some years ago when I thought I was going to lose weight but never did, but now I am, so suddenly I have a lot of clothes that fit. Three sets of pyjamas (my two Nightmare Before Christmas finally fit!), tops, summer clothes, oh my!

Semlor

 Another tiny loss, but considering I gained during the week I'm happy with any loss. I was at 86.1 kg a couple of days ago! Probably water weight, but still. I almost fainted when I saw the number.

Weight: 85.1 kg (-0.4 kg)/187.6 lbs (-0.9 lbs)

BMI: 37.8

Weight loss since Sept 16, 2023: 8.4 kg/18.5 lbs

I tried on a sports bra I bought some years back but never fit into, and now I do (I use one when sleeping). All my old bras are too large now and I use my only two *skinny* bras (80E/36DD) so I had to order some new from Germany. I also tried on my (vegan) leather jacket that I've had for three years and I can finally close the zipper! Granted, I can't breathe, but that day will come.

Now I remember why I stopped eating shirataki noodles; the texture was like eating worms. I took one bite and almost barfed.

I had a semla. A traditional semla is a cardamom bun filled with almond paste and whipped cream, but I bought an Ettan semla, where the almond paste is mixed in with the cream. It used to be eaten on Fat Tuesday, but nowadays they start selling them earlier. If I could I would eat them every day because I fucking love semlor. Unfortunately so does my cat, so I had to sneak eat it. Fun fact: king Adolf Frederick of Sweden ate himself to death, polishing off the last dinner with fourteen semlor. They're that good.

My doc at the psychiatric hospital has let me go. It was sort of mutual. I am at a stable level and have been for the last year (because I always lie when he asks me how I am doing) and there is nothing else they can offer me that I haven't tried before. My regular doctor will be responsible for my prescriptions from now on, so we'll see how that goes.

My cheat meal of the week was nine McD nuggets with curry dip and an apple pie.