Apothanein Thelo

 A week ago, at 11.10 pm, the cops rang my doorbell. My brother had contacted them, prompted by my mother, to do a welfare check. The Police had first contacted the emergency psych ward to see if I had been admitted.

I haven't answered the phone during all this time. My mother has tried to reach me sometimes twice a day. I text back to my brother when he text me. I also blocked people so they can't contact me on Instagram or Facebook. The shame is killing me.

I have debts up to 14,000 SEK (1500 USD) this month and 700 SEK in my account.

TW

 Last week I wrote that I had a month or two before everything blew up in my face. Well, it happened quicker than that. Tomorrow, Sunday, my family will find out what I have done. I am terrified. What if they call the police? I am blocking everyone on IG and FB, and on my phone. I can't leave my apartment in fear of being jumped by my family. What if they get the landlord to open the front door?

I have written a suicide letter, just in case. I need to make sure my cat is taken care of. Everything is prepared.